Heart-Oriented Discipline

The following is taken from the book 'Don't Make Me Count to Three!' by Ginger Plowman

Discipline. Just to mention the word sounds harsh. Why is that? Perhaps its harsh image comes from the distorted definition that society has placed on it. Society portrays discipline as punishment that involves anger, yelling, and severe or even cruel acts.

Many parents today have bought into society's definition of discipline. Because they relate the word to negative training, they would rather tolerate their children's behaviour than correct it. Those who do attempt to establish standards tend to miss the hearts of their children. They simply try to control their children, focusing only on their outward behaviour. They have adopted the philosophy that if they can get their children to act right, then they are raising them the right way.

The Bible teaches that behaivour is not the basic issue. The basic issue is always what is going on in the heart. Matt 7:21-22. The 'from within' part of this verse tells us that outward behaviours are only the manifestations of the real problem, which lie in the heart. The Bible uses the heart to speak of the inner you. 

The heart is the control center of life. Luke 6:45. Behaviour is simply what alerts you to your child's need for correction. But don't make the mistake that so many parents make and allow your desire for changed behaviour to replace your desire for a changed heart. If you can reach the heart, the behaviour will take care of itself. Keep in mind that it is possible to cause your child to change his irritating behaviour to that which is acceptable without an actualy heart change taking place.

If we are to really help our children, we must work backward from the behaviour to the heart. We must be concerned with the attributes of the heart that drive this behaviour. We do this by communicating with our children in such a way that they are caused to not only understand a Christ-like attitude, but they learn how to flesh it out in their lives.  

A Heart For Teens

Parenting a 2 year old is interesting enough! I can't imagine the energy, patience and most importantly prayer that is needed to parent teenagers!
Teenage years are full of change - emotional, physical, often social and sometimes spiritual. In a world that is contantly calling teenagers it is a time where parents need to be just as present in their world as when they were little toddlers!
I read the following article the other day and thought it would be great to share. I hope that parents of teens will find it encouraging and challenging! The article talks to mothers about thier daughters, but it all applies to fathers and sons as well.

My prayers and thoughts are often with you.

Melanie

This article is written by Carolyn Mahaney and taken from www.girltalk.blog.com

Tips for Loving Teens

How can we as mothers cultivate and express tender love for our teenagers? Here are a few ideas:
1. Pray.
A godly mother’s prayers have “great power” (James 5:16), and so who better to pray for our daughters than us? No one knows them the way we do. No one is more familiar with the unique temptations and pressures they face every day. No one can pray for them with keener insight or greater compassion. We should be committed to loving our teenagers by faithfully praying for them. And what’s more, we should inform them of our prayers. As Charles Spurgeon once said, “No man can do me a truer kindness in this world than to pray for me.”

2. Take an interest.
Make it a point to discover your teenagers hobbies and leisure pursuits. Talk to him or her about them and learn to share in their enthusiasm. You may even go a step further and participate in their favorite activities. For example, my daughter Kristin developed a love for the art of cooking as a teenager. So I arranged for us to take some gourmet cooking classes offered by the county. This provided a meaningful experience for the two of us to share, and it was a tangible way to express my tender love for Kristin. “Taking an interest” need not require financial expense, but it does call for a heart for love and enthusiasm for the things your teenager enjoys.

3. Listen closely.
Attentive listening entails an eagerness to hear everything with regard to our teenagers thoughts, feelings and experiences. It’s more than just keeping our mouths shut. Listening means making full eye contact, not looking around with a blank stare. We don’t’ interrupt, yawn, or prematurely formulate an answer. Careful listening will encourage our teens to bare their souls to us and share their innermost thoughts. So let’s make sure our teenagers know we want to hear all about it!

4. Express Affection.
We should lavish affection on our teenagers from the moment they wake up until they go to bed at night. We can do this verbally by simply saying, “I love you,” throughout the day. We can express physical affection through hugs and kisses. In the midst of correction we should reaffirm our love, reminding them that we discipline them because we love them. We never want our teenagers to have a moment’s doubt about our love.

5. Encourage, Encourage, Encourage.
Proverbs gives abundant proof that encouraging words refresh our teenagers’ souls: “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul” (16:24); “A good word makes him glad” (12:25) and “a gentle tongue is a tree of life” (15:4). Let’s ask ourselves: are the words our daughters hear from us primarily condemning and corrective or positive and uplifting? Do our words give them life and make them glad? While correction is necessary at times, our daughters should be the constant recipients of our encouragement.
And this encouragement can come in many forms and for many reasons. We can write a note, send a text or e-mail, encourage them in front of someone else, or simply tell them of our love. We can point out their personality traits and unique talents we appreciate. We can draw attention to ways they have grown in their passion for God or love for others; we can remind them of God’s help in the midst of difficult situations. These are all examples of what my husband calls “Evidences of God’s Grace”—ways God is at work in our teenagers lives. We must not let a day go by without communicating these encouraging thoughts to them.

6. Make memories.
One of my favorite ways to express tender love for my children was to plan special outings and find unique ways to make memories. Today we have a whole collection of memories that we review often with fondness and laughter. Both the planned activities and the spontaneous moments can all be potential memories if we apply a little creativity. And don’t forget to throw in a surprise or two. Everybody loves surprises—even teenagers!
These ideas are a sampling of the endless ways we can express our tender love to our teenagers. Tender love liberally scatters gospel seeds in our teenagers’ lives. We can trust God to cause these seeds to take root and grow into a mature love for Him.